Wired for Belonging: The Link Between Attachment, Belonging, and Self-Compassion

Belonging is one of our deepest human needs. We are wired for connection because, as social creatures, our survival has always depended on the herd. In fact, research confirms what our biology already knows: one of the most impactful predictors of health isn’t diet or exercise, but loneliness. The cost of disconnection shows up emotionally, mentally, and physically.

So if you’ve ever longed to fit in, here’s the good news: that longing is completely normal. Belonging isn’t just a want, it’s a fundamental human drive wired into us.

But here’s where things get tricky… our past experiences shape how safe belonging feels to us, and that deeply impacts our relationships today.

Attachment and Belonging

In therapy, one of the most common topics that comes up around belonging is attachment styles. Attachment styles are categories that help explain the kinds of connections we learn to have with others. They show up not only with our parents, friends, peers, coworkers etc. Attachment styles are not set in stone, but act as “blue prints” that our brain will use to make predictions about future relationships.  

Below the Paywall you will find

1. Descriptions of the main type of attachment styles

2. The cycle of how early attachments form relationships into our adulthood

3. Why the relationship you have with yourself matters to a sense of belonging

4. Linked Additional Resources