Trust: What It Really Means & How to Build It (Even With Yourself)
“Trust is built in the smallest of moments. It is earned not through heroic deeds, or even highly visible actions, but through paying attention, listening, and gestures of genuine care and connection”- Brené Brown
Trust may seem like a big word with many meanings, but in reality, it’s built through the smallest, everyday moments. I often have clients come into therapy telling me their reservations about why they don’t trust themselves or others, but I find that many people get stuck on one question—why?
Trust is such a loaded word. We know what it means to trust or not trust someone, but sometimes it’s difficult to pinpoint exactly which element of trust we’re struggling with.
One of my top resources is Brené Brown’s “Anatomy of Trust” video. It offers a deep dive into the many facets of trust and how it shapes our relationships—with others and with ourselves. Trust is key to self-esteem; when facing challenges, trusting ourselves to navigate or seek help is essential for growth and resilience. We won’t always know the right answer or how to handle everything that comes our way, but if we trust ourselves to figure it out, or at least to ask for help when needed, that is a crucial part of self-trust and resilience.
Watch the video here:
SuperSoul Sessions: The Anatomy of Trust
Reflection Questions for Relationships
Brené Brown introduces a powerful metaphor for trust in her video: the "marble jar." Just like a marble jar is filled one marble at a time, trust is built in small, everyday moments. Each positive action, each moment of reliability, and each effort to show up for someone adds a marble to the trust jar.
As you reflect on trust in your relationships, consider these questions:
Boundaries: Do I feel comfortable setting and maintaining boundaries in my relationships? How do I respond when someone crosses a boundary?
Reliability: Can I count on the people in my life to follow through on what they say? Do I hold myself accountable for being reliable?
Accountability: How do I typically handle mistakes—both my own and others’? Do I allow space for repair in my relationships?
Vault: Do I feel safe sharing personal information with the people in my life? Am I a trustworthy keeper of others' stories and vulnerabilities?
Integrity: Are my actions aligned with my values, even when no one is watching? How do I respond when someone else's values conflict with mine?
Non-Judgment: Do I feel I can ask for help without fear of judgment? How do I react when others express their struggles?
Generosity: Do I assume the best intentions in others, or do I find myself making negative assumptions? How does this impact my ability to trust?
How can I add marbles to my trust jar and others' jars in my relationships today?
Trust in the Relationship with Self
Self-trust is just as important as the trust we build with others. Often, we struggle with self-trust because of past experiences or doubts about our own worth. But strengthening self-trust is the foundation for personal growth. Here are a few questions to reflect on as you examine your relationship with yourself:
How often do I honor the commitments I make to myself? Where do I struggle most with self-trust?
In what ways do I dismiss or second-guess my own emotions, needs, or boundaries?
How do I show myself generosity when I make mistakes? Do I treat myself with the same kindness I extend to others?
What past experiences have shaped my ability to trust others? How might these experiences be influencing my current relationships?
What is one small step I can take today to rebuild trust with myself or someone else?
How can I add marbles to my self-trust jar today?
As you reflect on these questions, remember that trust is built in small, everyday moments—just like marbles being added to a jar. It takes time, patience, and consistency. It’s not always about perfection, but rather about showing up, being reliable, and allowing room for growth and repair. I hope these questions help guide you as you strengthen both your relationships with others and your relationship with yourself.
Let me know what resonates most for you, and feel free to share any thoughts you have on building trust.
Sending warmth your way,
Hanna
