20 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Therapist Self

I’ve been in the field for 8 years now, and looking back there are a few things I wish I could tell my younger therapist self:

1. You Don’t Have to Know Everything Right Now

This career builds over time. Focus on mastering the foundational skills for as long as you can—because those matter. People might forget what you say, but they won’t forget how you made them feel. If you can make it out of grad school with the basics and learn how to be a safe person for yourself and others, that will take you far on this career path.

2. Trainings Are Expensive—but Free Resources Are Everywhere

Yes, continuing education can be costly—and that can be frustrating. But don’t let that stop your learning. Find podcasts, follow social media therapists, and dive into free content. Knowledge is everywhere if you look for it. That’s one of the reasons I started this Substack—I wanted to create a more cost-effective way to support new therapists out in the world.

3. Supervision Is Expensive, But It’s Worth It

It’s an investment, and the right supervisor can make all the difference. I’ve had both not-so-great supervisors and some fantastic ones who are still mentors today. A good supervisor expects mistakes and helps guide you through them.

The best supervisor I had changed my life and we are great friends today. What helped me was that she gave me full permission to show up as a fully anxious human in supervision. She focused not just on cases, but on who I was becoming as a therapist. She even shared her own past mistakes to help normalize mine. She is still someone I can call today anytime I need to talk through a difficult case. 

4. Find a Self-Care Routine Now

Your anxiety will show up in the room whether you like it or not. Find ways NOW to help you take care of your mind, body, and spirit. Early in my career, my anxiety made me rush sessions and I felt pressured to be a “good therapist”. Eight years in, I’ve learned to relax, attune to my clients, and use discernment in sessions. Our brain is one of our biggest tools in this profession—keep it healthy. That means rest, fun, laughter, play, and breaks when possible. Yes, we need money—but we also need balance.

5. It’s Scary to Charge People for Your Services—But it’ll be Okay

Many of us get into this field because we genuinely want to help people—and that can make charging for therapy feel uncomfortable, especially with the stigma that still exists around paying for mental health care. I get it. Therapy can be expensive, especially for clients paying out of pocket. But we also deserve to earn a fair and livable wage.

Early in my career, paying for student loans and supervision at the same time was incredibly difficult (still working on paying off student loans even now!). And something many people don’t realize is that therapists don’t take home the full amount insurance reimburses. In reality, we only receive a portion—because a large cut often goes to the group practice or agency, and the rest gets chipped away by taxes, training costs, licensure fees, office supplies, and more.

You’re offering your time, your presence, and your expertise—and that matters. The work you do has real value. Take your time with clients, and remember: you deserve to live well, too. Choosing this career doesn’t mean you have to be a martyr for the sake of helping others.

6. Learn to Trust Yourself More Than Therapeutic Interventions 

Therapy is a creative process—almost like an art form. Yes, skills and techniques matter, but you are the most powerful tool in the room. It’s your presence, your attunement, and your humanity that create safety in the room. When clients feel that, their nervous systems and defenses are more likely to soften, and meaningful change becomes possible.

7. Imposter Syndrome and Doubt Are Normal

Even almost a decade in, I still have weeks where I feel unsure or wonder if I’m really helping. I remember my supervisor saying over and over: Trust the process. At the time, it felt cliché—but now I get it. Especially with trauma work, progress can be slow—but it’s so rewarding when it comes. Self-doubt is normal. Keep learning, keep growing, and keep showing up anyway.

8. Systemic Factors Affect Clients More Than We Can Control

We can’t control the political, racial, or economic forces impacting our clients’ lives—but we can be steady, safe supports. Also, you can use all the coping skills and interventions in the world, but if someone is in an unsafe or unstable environment, the focus needs to be on stabilization. Doing any kind of trauma work when someone is in a crisis situation will just overwhelm their nervous system and tax their mental resources. 

9. Make Connections With Other Therapists

Seriously—find a therapist friend. It helps so much to laugh, cry, vent, and celebrate with people who get it. One of my professors said, “Get to know your colleagues—you’ll refer clients to them someday.” They were right! Don’t be afraid to message a therapist in your area and see if they would be open to a coffee date or happy hour after work. Go to networking opportunities if you can. I know that sometimes this isn’t possible or the last thing you want to do on top of your work schedule, but you might be surprised by the benefit you get, especially if you walk away with a new friend!

10. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Yourself With Clients

Being professional doesn’t mean being robotic. You can show your human side. Clients appreciate authenticity. Smart, ethical self-disclosure can be powerful—just maintain your boundaries.

11. Don’t Fall Behind on Notes

I know it’s tempting—but future you will thank you. Create a habit of writing notes between sessions or before you leave for the work day. It now takes me 3–5 minutes per note, but at first I overthought everything and spent way too long writing any notes. Learning how to document efficiently is key. This is a great topic to bring up in supervision too!

12. Clients Will Ghost You—Even Years In

It doesn’t mean you’re a bad therapist. Ghosting can mean:

• It wasn’t the right fit (which saves everyone stress). Don’t take it personally and be open to offering them a referral

• The client wasn’t ready for therapy. Maybe they got freaked out after several sessions about the reality of processing their emotions, this is normal and valid. 

• Life happened—job changes, insurance, finances, etc. may get in the way of them being able to come to their sessions

• They’re doing well and decided to move on (which is actually a good thing!). Having a termination/graduation session for closure is ideal, but sometimes it’s just not possible!

13. You Are Human—Take Care of Your Own Needs

We have lives outside of the therapy room. We’re not immune to hardship—grief, illness, caregiving, life changes. Don’t lose yourself in the job. Your work is important, but it’s still just a job.

14. Don’t Compare Yourself to Other Therapists

Every therapist has a unique style. You don’t have to replicate someone else’s way of doing things. Your personality and “brand” as a therapist matter. Be yourself—that’s your greatest strength.

15. Set Aside Money for Trainings

Even saving a small amount each month can make a big difference. Having a training fund makes it easier to invest in yourself when the right opportunity comes up. It adds up over time—I promise. Also, don’t be afraid to ask if there’s an option to break up the cost into payments. Not everyone offers this, but I’ve been able to afford trainings that cost thousands of dollars because I was able to plan ahead and use a payment plan. It never hurts to ask, and many facilitators understand how tough it can be to cover the full cost upfront.

16. Have Healthy Boundaries

Just because you’re a therapist doesn’t mean you need to be everyone’s therapist. Relationships should be reciprocal. Don’t carry the emotional weight of friends or family who treat you like their personal counselor.

17. Create After-Work Rituals to Reset

After hours of active listening, your brain might be fried. I’ve learned to take walks, workout, run errands, or just sit in silence before heading home. It helps me transition and be more present with my loved ones.

18. Empathy Without Boundaries is Enmeshment

You can be there for your clients, but you don’t have to absorb all of their emotions. It's too much stress on your body! Talk to your supervisor about emotional boundaries—you’ll be grateful for this practice down the line. Remember, vicarious trauma is very real in this profession. 

19. It’s Okay to Be Unsure About Your Theoretical Orientation

In some places, like Arkansas, we’re asked to state our preferred theories early. But your style will evolve over time. It’s okay not to have it all figured out right away. You’ll discover what theories feel genuine and authentic to you as you continue down this career path. 

20. It’s Okay to Find a Niche and Refer Out

Now that I’m 8 years in, I focus on trauma and anxiety because those areas energize me. I used to think I’d love working with teens and couples, but I realized it created more anxiety than fulfillment. Now I refer this inquiries out to colleagues that I know have a passion for these populations! However, I do recommend working with different populations early on especially in internship, and pay attention to what lights you up—and what doesn’t.

Reflecting on my own journey, these lessons have shaped me into the therapist I am today. I hope sharing them helps you, whether you’re just starting or have been in the field for years. Take it one step at a time, and remember—you’re doing important work.

If you’re a new therapist or on the journey to become one, make sure to subscribe to this page, I have so much I want to share to help you grow!

Sending kindness your way,

Hanna